Dark Ink: Interview with a real-life Dominatrix, Kalyss Mercury
Gary Kemble’s award-winning short fiction has been published in magazines and anthologies in Australia and abroad. He is a two-time winner of the ‘One Books Many Brisbanes’ short story competition, and several of his stories have been republished in ‘best of’ collections including Year’s Best Australian Fantasy and Horror. In 2011 he received an Australia Council New Work grant to write his supernatural thriller Skin Deep (Echo Publishing, 2015).
His journalistic career has included stints with local newspapers, national magazines and online publications in Australia and the UK. He is currently the Social Media Coordinator for ABC News.
Born in England, Gary emigrated to Australia when he was six, and grew up in Brisbane. He lives in Scotland with his wife, two kids, and a friendly weasel.
Dark Ink is the brilliant follow-up to Gary’s debut, Strange Ink, both of which are published by Titan Books. Covering themes of conspiracy, politics, sex and black magic, Dark Ink features a mysterious professional dominatrix, Mistress Hal.
I’m delighted that Kendall Reviews can bring you an interview, held by the author Gary Kemble with real-life dominatrix, Kalyss Mercury.
Freelance journalist Harry Hendrick is working on a story about a paedophile ring preying on boys at one of the city’s most prestigious schools, and probing rumours of a union official who’s blowing members’ dues on an exclusive professional dominatrix. Those investigations lead him into the web of Mistress Hel, who plies her dark arts from her luxurious suburban lair. Harry believes she’s driven by a desire for vengeance, until rumours reach him of clients under a supernatural thrall, of demonic visions, and something dark and infernal which is spreading out into the world.
- Paperback: 304 pages
- Publisher: Titan Books (UK) (8 Oct. 2019)
GK: When did you first realise you were into kink?
I was 19 years old, at college in Princeton. I was chatting a lot online to appease my social & sexual boredom. I guess my chat topics must have been quite kinky, as another user asked me if I was into BDSM. “What’s that?” I asked naively. He gave me a list of books to read and I haven’t turned back! Since then, I remembered many early childhood occasions when I was attracted to fetish items (like leather clothes and rubber jelly shoes), and being quite bossy even in kindergarten. But I didn’t see it as “kinky” back then. Was I born kinky? I don’t know… maybe I inherited it from my parents.
GK: How did you become a Professional Dominatrix?
Another stroke of luck! I was spanking a friend at a kink club (a few years after coming out) and a subby looking guy asked me to whip him. I told him I had never done that before, but he was okay with that and handed me a flogger. I have no idea how I managed… thinking back, that wasn’t very responsible. But he was thrilled with my “performance” and asked which Domination house I worked at. “What? I can do this as a job!?” Again, I was taken by surprise. A year later, I saw an advertisement for “Dominatrix wanted: will train”. The rest is history.
GK: What’s the best (and worst) thing about being a Dominatrix?
I’m sure this varies between different dommes. My Domme style is more in the mentor category. I love guiding my clients through their fetishes, slowly pushing their boundaries, and opening the door to this fascinating world. I also get to witness their excitement when they walk through the door, and when they learn and grow from facing their challenges. Kink can be a gateway to such deep transformation. It’s so rewarding to see my clients stepping up to their full potential!
The flip side of that is when clients (or “sub wannabes”) are just caught up in the superficial part of kink. It hurts me to see a client chasing the fetish high again and again, needing more extreme fetishes for a lacklustre effect. It can really become an addiction. When clients are not interested in looking deeper into themselves and growing their soul through their kink, when they are just running after the next kinky high, I tend to send them to other dommes. It’s not only boring for me, it really upsets me to see them stuck in that rut. We can do so much better!
GK: It seems like quite an intense job to have. Is it? And if so how do you unwind?
Yes, it is quite an intense job. But the sessions are only a small part of it. I spend most of my time on admin, doing research on kink psychology, training those clients that do go deeper, messaging clients, writing articles and posts, doing photoshoots & videos, editing photos… All these little tasks are much calmer (yin), which balances the intensity of sessions (yang). I also have quite a Zen personal life with lots of “vanilla” (non-kink) elements. I do yoga and meditation every day. I practice tantra with my husband, so I can take the more Yin feminine space in my intimate life. Balancing Yin and Yang is a big part of what I teach my clients, and a constant practice for myself too.
GK: Can you tell me about your study of kink at the University of Oslo? What did you learn?
In my masters degree (should be mistress degree!), I focused on the therapeutic benefits of SM (Sadomasochism). I’m fascinated by pain. We hate it, and yet we inflict pain on ourselves all the time. Emotional or physical. In kink, this is especially prominent. The neuroscience research on pain perception and modulation show that humans actually perceive pain differently if placed in different contexts. For example, a pain will be perceived as less strong when paired with a pleasure stimuli. That’s happening in kink all the time, the mix of pleasure and pain. Another example is how pain is perceived as less strong and it can be tolerated for longer when we give meaning to it. In that study, it was about improving muscle tone, but in kink, pain is often given multiple meanings, by the dominant or by the submissive, consciously or unconsciously.
The main result of my research is that SM practitioners mainly use pain as a catalyst for meaning, with variations according to gender, level of BDSM experience, level of education and level of masochism. For example, for the majority of women, the emotional release was the main benefit of pain, meanwhile for men, pain was an enhancer for submission and role authenticity. Kinksters don’t just like pain for pain’s sake. Their interaction with pain and the meanings ascribed are a lot more complex than what we see at first glance. I could discuss this for an entire interview.
GK: I notice on your website you mention Tantric Domination — what is this?
Tantra means weaving all parts of ourselves, the physical, mental, emotional, spiritual… Using tantric intention in BDSM is a holistic way of exploring while being fully present. It takes time, and multiple sessions to start getting into the depth of it. Most of us are wearing masks all the time, and we don’t even notice it! We don’t allow our full self to express. Using breathwork, bodywork, meaningful use of consensual pain and clear intentions, the usual games of kink get much more intense. Then the kink play can shake off the armour, the masks we wear, so we can be fully seen in our vulnerability, our deeper state of surrender. Some people call this “transcendence”; it’s like we lift the veil of mundane existence and see ourselves and the world more clearly. Enlightenment in leather. But of course, after experiencing these heightened states, there is a need for integration back into “normal” life. That’s also part of the practice: coaching and guiding clients to incorporate these intense experiences into a mindset that’s sustainable & nurturing for their continuing growth.
GK: Is the world becoming more or less accepting of BDSM?
I feel, in general, society is definitely more accepting of BDSM now than 20 years ago when I started practising. But society tends to go back and forth, so it wouldn’t surprise me if the pendulum changed direction in the next few years… Let’s enjoy it while it’s open and accepting now!
GK: What’s your advice for people who are interested in BDSM but don’t know where to start or how to talk to their partners about it?
BDSM is a very broad subject. You can dedicate your life to exploring it (like me!) and not get to the bottom of it, no pun intended. So first, look inside. What type of kink do you think you enjoy? What are you attracted to? What don’t you like? Making a list of your interests and boundaries gives you a personal map of what areas to research.
With your map in hand, start exploring on FetLife.com for groups and events in your local area. FetLife is a social network, not a dating site. So it has A LOT of free information that’s not trying to sell you something. Yes, there are still ads on the site, but the content of the actual website is mostly created by the users, other kinksters who are also exploring. Most big cities have BDSM clubs or groups, if you’re lucky there will be BDSM courses or workshops in your area.
Once you understand a bit about your BDSM interests, then it will be easier to share it with a partner. Maybe you can attend a munch (casual social gathering) or workshop together. If going to an event is too daring, you can start with some online kink coaching. FetLife also lists profiles of many professionals, who like me, have a passion for guiding new people into the lifestyle.
I tour with the Kink Lab, an introduction level workshop, in Australia, Amsterdam and Oslo, on a yearly basis. Most of the students of my workshops are couples wanting to get started on BDSM. I also provide private coaching for couples, in person or via video consultations, so people can ask all the questions they want to learn before taking the big steps of attending a social event or sharing their desires with their partner.
GK: What are some of the most common misconceptions about BDSM, especially with regards to how it is portrayed in books and movies?
In my experience, I find the main misunderstanding about BDSM comes from the current paradigm we live in. For 1000s of years, humans have been fighting for the dominant status. This is all around us: between countries, through imperialism; in the patriarchal rule of men over women; in capitalist competition between companies; and within hierarchical structures of government and businesses. Our society is still separated by those who control, and those under control, and historically all domination has been non-consensual.
In recent years of democracy, where human rights and equality are more prominent, at the end of the day, you obey the boss or lose your job. Not very consensual.
In this environment of subjective freedom, society expects us to be independent, self-sufficient, attractive, smart, sustainable… the list goes on. It’s overwhelming! Apparently, we have freedom but our choices are manipulated by the media, our culture, and most of the time it’s too much information for a human brain to analyze. How can we be free, if we still need to answer to society, to the boss, to the teacher, to the judge, to our families?
What does this have to do with kink? Kink eroticises control. But a lot of the erotic components come from the historically non-consensual domination.
I get so many requests from people wanting to be owned as a full-time slave. People want to escape their modern social condition. They want to give it all up, all the responsibilities of being a “free agent” and go back to being “property”, being controlled. It’s an escape. And because we now play with consent, these games are supposed to be okay, or even to create a cathartic therapeutic element. I studied all this and it gets ever so complicated.
Even when we participate in consensual forms of domination within BDSM, our brains have many more examples and archetypes from our non-consensual history. We eroticise these archetypes, like villain vs. damsel in distress, evil queen vs. the ever-obliging servant, or manipulative work colleague blackmailing to expose our perversions. It’s hot because it’s naughty, because in real life it would be scary as hell! We can make these games consensual, but it’s easy it is to fall back into non-consent if an element or two doesn’t fit into our fantasy. Even using safewords, the damage is done. And the age-old trauma just gets repeated.
The more I play, the more I see BDSM as more than sensual leisure, more than just a holiday from our modern “free agent” selves. I don’t want to only eroticise age-old non-consensual domination archetypes. I’d rather create new types of consensual partnerships where there is mutual respect, and where kink activities are given new meaning.
Using a more Tantric approach, when these slips into the old non-consensual formats occur, we can redirect the energy and dig into why that small element broke the fantasy spell. We can then transform our carefully constructed horny fantasies into rockets of personal growth.
But for people who haven’t been exposed to BDSM and consensual forms of domination, it’s a very fine line to walk. It takes a lot of experience, presence and moral fiber to not slip into non-consensual forms of kink. Especially when newbies have no clue about their boundaries.
“Mistress, you can do anything you want to me!”.
“Really? How about lock you up in a box and go to the movies?”
“Oh, that’s not what I mean!”
“You said ‘anything’…”
So, coming back to your question. The misunderstandings come from this gap between the eroticised, historical, non-consensual archetypes of domination and the illusive and under-exemplified deep, caring and consensual forms of domination, which in my opinion is where we find the real joy of kink.
Dark Ink is out NOW via Titan Books
Kalyss Mercury
CityScapes, photo by Soul Focus Studio
Kalyss Mercury shares her time between Oslo, Norway and Australia, where she teaches workshops and coaches private clients. She’s the founder of KinkTuition™, a holistic kink coaching program that encompasses kink skills, tantric practices and personal development.
For more information, contact her directly from her website: www.KalyssMercury.com
Gary Kemble
You can follow Gary on Twitter @garykemble
To find out more about Gary please visit his official website www.garykemble.com
Dark Ink
Freelance journalist Harry Hendrick is working on a story about a paedophile ring preying on boys at one of the city’s most prestigious schools, and probing rumours of a union official who’s blowing members’ dues on an exclusive professional dominatrix. Those investigations lead him into the web of Mistress Hel, who plies her dark arts from her luxurious suburban lair. Harry believes she’s driven by a desire for vengeance, until rumours reach him of clients under a supernatural thrall, of demonic visions, and something dark and infernal which is spreading out into the world.
You can buy Dark Ink from Amazon UK & Amazon US
When washed-up journalist Harry Hendrick wakes one morning with a hangover and a strange symbol tattooed on his neck, he shrugs it off as a bad night out. But soon more tattoos appear: grisly, violent images which come accompanied by horrific nightmares so he begins to dig deeper. Harry’s search leads him to a sinister disappearance, torment from beyond the grave, and a web of corruption and violence tangled with his own past. One way or another, he has to right the wrongs.
You can buy Strange Ink from Amazon UK & Amazon US
Leave a Reply