Universal Threat Level: Kendall Reviews welcomes Dustin & Bo, the hosts of the brilliant podcast Geek-Men And The Masters Of The Thundernerds for a universally horrifying guest post.

From movies to toys to video games it’s the greatest podcast there is! Join Dustin Schyler Yoak, Co-Owner/Editor of Aphotic Realm Magazine, and Bo Chappell, author of Year 47, as they discuss all the things you love, without all the hate. 

At the end of the day every one has that “one” special thing that they geek or nerd out about. If they’re lucky, they’ve found a friend or even a community where they are met with green pastures, and friendly faces holding hands singing Kumbaya. 

Too often though, the things we love are so harshly judged, friends part ways, and it becomes exhausting and depressing to submit ourselves to the joy our special geek thing used to bring. We’ve seen it happen time and time again. 

Not with this podcast. 

We will never blatantly bash or tear down the things we talk about on the show. As writers and professionals, we will offer criticisms but not without sharing the good and the positives we found as well. You’ll never hear, “it sucked,” followed by a tirade from one of us or our guests. The way we offer criticisms will be to name something specific that bothered us, why, and how we would have done it differently. 

All the things you love, without all the hate. 

Join us won’t you? ThunderNerds, HOOOOOOO!!!!

OUR VISION

To see every one rediscover the childlike joy and acceptance of the things they love and geek out without hate or judgement.

OUR MISSION

Create positive change in the geek community by encouraging others to build up the things they love when openly discussing all facets of nerdom without resorting to negativity.

Universal Threat Level

Halloween. It’s that one time of year where it’s legal to dress up as a ninja and climb your ex-wife’s house to find out if she’s dating again.

(Ok, being informed that’s never legal–that’s what Facebook is for!)

But monsters are definitely a thing in real life and fiction. That, we all know. And for fiction, there are no monsters held in higher regard than the Universal Monsters.

(Pictured Left to Right: Wakanda Forever, DarkMan, Herman Munster, Count Chocula, Teen Wolf, Marge Simpson, Abe Sapien, and Steve Buscemi—Just kidding, this is a picture I took at my last family reunion.)

From the 1920s to the 1950s, Universal Studios were turning out one iconic monster movie after another. So iconic in fact, they’re still the image we retain when we collectively think of Dracula, The Wolfman, The Mummy…

(Frankenst–wait. That was the Doctor’s name. Almost looked like idiots.)

But these concepts of monsters have been around so long and have been so popular in our culture, they’ve seemingly lost their ability to frighten.

(Look, I’m just tired. I can suck your blood tomorrow night, ok?)

But the more important question is, were they ever really that scary? That’s why the Geek-Men are here.

(We’re here to hand out Geek-Men Business cards and Geek-Out about Movie Monsters… and we…never actually printed out business cards!)

So instead we’re lining them up and taking them to task to see who really is the most threatening Universal Monster, then and now.

Let’s set up the rules. OUR HOUSE (technically Gavin’s). OUR RULES. First off, for anyone unfamiliar with our podcast, we’re the podcast that talks about all the things you love, without all the hate. Naturally, we’re going to follow our motto–with a little self-deprecating humor and some mild ribbing. All in good fun.

(We f**kin’ LOVE Steve Buscemi)

Next, it has to be the Universal Studios versions. That means no source material…

(Because geezem. Look.)

No remakes.

(ANCK SU NAMUN!!!)


And no homages.

(The debate on the Wolfman having nards has been reopened.)

And lastly, even though there are others considered to be part of the collection such as the Phantom of the Opera and The Hunchback of Notre Dame, we’re going to focus on the top seven.

(You know, like these guys.)

Let the mashing of monsters commence.

(“The monster mash. It was a graveyard smash..”)

7. BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN:

The Monster had survived, and demanded that Frankenstein create him a female counterpart. A woman made from the dead and given life for the sole purpose of serving as a wife.

(Um, a “Thank You” would be nice. Now how ’bout that sandwich?)

THREAT THEN: None really. In fact, she was a threat to herself more than anything as she didn’t want to exist.

THREAT NOW: No doubt she’d be a bigger threat, but not to humanity. The Bride would be a symbol of hope for the female movement. She would actually be beneficial to the human race by showing us that no person’s sole purpose for creation is to serve another’s greedy desires. That no woman belongs to another man, even if she were created in such a way.

THREAT LEVEL TO POPULATION: None. But on an indirect scale, she poses a threat to the ozone with all that hairspray. But it’s just one person. How bad could–

(Oh…)

6. THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON

Oops wrong slide.

Also known as the Gill-Man, he is an amphibious humanoid creature discovered by scientists on an expedition into the Amazon. Only when it is discovered and threatened, does it attack.

THREAT THEN: Yeah, sure. To a bunch of uninformed “scientists” who ignore the signs of something new in an uncharted region of the world where they’re researching NEW information from fossils, only to write it off incredulously as, “Yeah, probably a jaguar killed him.”

(Probably a dolphin. Very territorial.)

THREAT NOW: No different than any other real wild animal. Leave it alone and you’ll be fine. In fact, he would get protected as an endangered species and given his own wildlife sanctuary. Hell, he’d probably be on the cover of a National Geographic.

THREAT TO POPULATION: Probably less than an actual jaguar.

5. THE FRANKENSTEIN MONSTER

Here’s where we’re gonna start some debates.

We all know the story. A crazed doctor becomes obsessed with the notion of creating and extending life past the limits God has set. So he decides to kitbash a human being that turns into a menace in the hillsides.

(Hilarity ensues.)

But was The Monster REALLY that big of a threat? We’ve all come to know him as a misguided and angry individual. The real monster of that movie were the people. The one who created him and the ones who hunted them.

(Oh wait. The kid. But that was his bad.)

THREAT THEN: Again, this one is understood. Lack of communication and proper systems in place to handle something like this, sure. But a localized threat. One capable of being solved with minimal deaths.

(And windmill loss.)

THREAT NOW: Well, best case scenario, there’s a distinct possibility The Monster would end up in an mental health facility with high security receiving treatment. Worst case…

THREAT TO POPULATION: Death toll could get out of hand if mishandled, but even with his enhanced strength, he would be taken care of one way or another.

4. DRACULA

Yeah, kinda surprised right? An immortal creature of the night who drinks the blood of man at number 4? Here’s why you shouldn’t be surprised.

THREAT THEN: The Universal Dracula is slow, ineffective, and narrow in his goals. He wants to be a secret because, well, he kinda sucks at being a vampire in more than one way.

(But he does know how to dress. We do have to stay positive.)

THREAT NOW: He’d be a vampire on the run, resorting to as many brainwashed helpers as possible to stay safe, but they’re just people too, and blindly inefficient at blending into a crowd.

THREAT TO POPULATION: Seriel Killer levels. The lack of extensive powers his other versions have put this Dracula at a severe risk to a small crew of level headed people who need only follow the clues to capture him.

(“Whooooo are you? WHO? WHO? WHO? WHO? Oh, it’s Dracula. Clearly this is Dracula.”)

3. THE WOLFMAN

No, we’re not drunk. Neither of us even drink.

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(One of us does having a severe gambling problem though. Bet you can’t guess which one. $50. Give you three to one odds! Come on!)

“But how come The Wolfman got higher than the Gill-man? Aren’t they both essentially wild animals?”

(Why are you asking questions to an article? That’s just silly.)

Well, sure. And the Wolfman doesn’t even stay a werewolf all the time. But…

THREAT THEN: He was killing people in the night, and no one could stop him from killing. Not without silver and only by way of the small population making it easier to discover.

THREAT NOW: Even with common knowledge of how to fight a werewolf, there’s the more likely chance of people slowing werewolves down and leaving a victim to become a werewolf as well.

(There wasn’t any Werefish, were there?)

THREAT TO POPULATION: Potentially devastating as werewolfism spreads wildly and leaves the killers to live among the populace with little to no recollection of their actions.

2. THE MUMMY

How did The Mummy beat out Dracula? Easy. The Mummy is a man of deception coupled with surprisingly effective levels of hypnotic suggestion.

THREAT THEN: Quite frankly, his obsession with reuniting with his reincarnated love is what sealed his fate. If not for trying to be with a woman that clearly wasn’t interested in his decrepit body, his amassed wealth and power could have kept him comfortable.

(What’s this picture doing here?)

THREAT NOW: It would take some serious detective work to discover a person like him today given he could hide behind wealth and technology.

THREAT TO POPULATION: Corporation level as long as he protects the Scroll of Thoth and can handle online dating.

1. THE INVISIBLE MAN

 

Bet ya didn’t see this one coming.

(That’s Geek-Men and the Masters of the Thundernerds.)

Super genius uses maddening plant to develop invisibility, becomes too mad and loses the drive to want to cure it.

Again, a brilliant scientist turns his back on sanity and recognizes the full potential of his power.

THREAT THEN: He singlehandedly killed more people in this one movie (in one SCENE) than all the other monsters on this list combined. Why? To psych out the guy he really wanted to kill.

(He’d be an MVP of BASEketball.)

Had he pulled it back a notch and kept in mind the snow surrounding the area, he never would have been caught.

THREAT NOW: A man whose reason is gone and intelligence is intact is scary enough. Make it to where you can’t see him and give him modern science and technology to keep himself in order?

THREAT TO POPULATION: Supervillain status. If he could use technology to mask himself from the other ways of detection, maybe even sell a limited version of his invisibility on the black markets to fund his work, there really is nothing holding him back from taking whatever he wants, including valuable information.

So, if you’re not afraid now…

Anyway, thats all we’ve got this time around! This is just one of the many types of things we like to dive into and discuss in Castle ThunderCave. Remember, it’s always best not to over think this type of stuff… unless you’re a professional. Or need to ignore that crippling depression.

(See. We’re fine.)

Find us at: https://mastersofthethundernerds.podbean.com

Or search your favorite media platform such as Spotify, iTunes, and more.

Follow on TWITTER: @ThunderNnerdsPod

BO CHAPPELL

Bo Chappell is a writer and artist from South Carolina. When he’s not backflipping across the clouds of his daydreams, Bo (also known as infrafan) is chasing the ideas relentlessly running around his overactive imagination raised on comics, video games, action figures, cartoons, and VHS.

Eventually his brain came up with the craziest idea to tell its own stories to anyone who wanted to hear them. He has written the survival horror western YEAR 47, his children’s book ONCE YOU GET TO KNOW ME, and is soon to release BY YEAR’S END, an anthology set in the world of YEAR 47. His other works have been seen in The Doctor and I, Dreams of Desolation, Aphotic Realm, and The Grey Rooms Podcast. 

You can find Bo on Twitter @infrafan or follow his work on bochappell.wordpress.com or www.yearxlvii.com

DUSTIN SCHYLER YOAK

While traveling across the cosmos, Dustin Schyler Yoak, a writer, editor, and podcaster of little renown among the outlying planets of our solar system, crash landed in a small suburb of Ohio. Seeing the value of a quaint and quiet lifestyle, he put down roots. In 2017, he graduated with a BFA in Creative Writing receiving high marks from his peers and professors all around. Having successfully infiltrated our culture, he co-founded Aphotic Realm Magazine in 2017 and the podcast, Geek-Men and the Masters of the ThunderNerds the following year in 2018. His latest work, Dead Falls, can be found in the forthcoming, By Years End: a Year 47 Anthology, November 2018. 

To this day, Dustin resides at his home in Ohio, hidden among us with his wife and two female offspring, whom he spends his free time mediating arguments and maintaining galactic peace.

To keep up with the latest from Dustin, visit his website, www.dustinschyleryoak.com and follow him on Twitter @DustinSchyler.

APHOTIC REALM

Aphotic Realm Magazine, home of the strange and sinister, was founded by A.A. Medina and Dustin Schyler Yoak in 2017 with the desire to build a community of horror, sci-fi and dark fantasy writers to share in our love of the craft.

Their forthcoming release, Eldritch, will be released November 2018. For more from Aphotic Realm, visit their website, www.aphoticrealm.com and follow them on Twitter @AphoticRealm.

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